


Always On Her Own

by koalathebear



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 15:00:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koalathebear/pseuds/koalathebear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene set at the end of episode 3.05 The Yoga Play.  I just wanted to explore the thoughts that had to be running through Quinn's mind when he discovered that Carrie was gone.  Saul's insouciant: "She's always been on her own" really troubled me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always On Her Own

_She's always been on her own …_

The words repeat in his head like a mantra as Quinn stands in the darkness of Carrie's room staring at the slashed clothes that lie discarded on the ground, at the smashed cell phone.

_She's always been on her own …_

He is aware of an overwhelming sense of failure. Despite Saul's clear sense of satisfaction and a sang froid that borders on callousness, Quinn is unable to forgive himself for the fact that Carrie was snatched by Javadi's men on his watch. Like Saul, he knows that Carrie is brave and capable, resourceful and indomitable. He still can't help himself feeling worry and guilt.

 _I'm glad you've got my back._

He remembers the look of vulnerability on Carrie's face during that confession - he knew how difficult it was for someone like Carrie Mathison to make such an admission.

He has let her down.

Quinn has always put his duties to the Agency and the mission above everything else. His 'achievements' have only ever been acknowledged by his superiors and his life has always been shrouded in lies and secrecy. In Caroline Anne Mathison, he recognises another soul as painfully alone as he is. Her 'romance' with Brody is as misguided as it is insane but Quinn understands it. 

_"You've never made a bad move in your romantic life?"_

At the beginning of the mission, when Dar Adal and Estes pushed Carrie's file across the table at him and he stared down at her photograph, seeing her face for the first time, he felt a strange connection to the woman with the wild, desperate eyes. As he read her file, pity mingled with respect, bemusement and disbelief.

When he finally meets her for the first time, he feels as though he has always known her. He sees the wild demons that haunt her staring back at him from those wide, troubled eyes. Madness wars with brilliance and he knows of her unswerving dedication and commitment to a cause that she believes to be just.

It's not a simple matter of physical attraction. He has seen Carrie at her worst, her absolute ugliest as her face contorts during a manic episode, her fingers forming talons and her mouth twisting and swearing … He has also seen her brilliant mind at work, her clarity and her insight. He has also witnessed her goodness and her determination to do what she believes is right no matter what the cost.

Carrie Mathison cares and when he's around her, he finds that he cares as well.

"Quinn? You still there?" Saul demands. The impatience in his voice indicates that he has asked a few times without any response.

"Yeah," he says briefly.

"I'm going to brief Max and Fara – we'll need their help to trace back Carrie's movements. Meet me at the safe house as soon as you can."

"Got it. And you're wrong."

"What?" Saul demands, confusion in his voice.

"About Carrie. She's not on her own anymore."

**end**


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